Do you have a difficult time sticking to your writing schedule? Do you have a difficult time doing your writing if other activities demand your attention? Can you assert your need to write if your family decides that they want to do something else but stay home?
If you answered any of the above questions in the affirmative, you are probably a people pleaser.
Here are a few characteristics of a people pleaser.
- Do you do things from duty or obligation, and not because you want to?
- Do you feel trapped by your obligations?
- Do you often say yes to things and then privately complain about doing these things?
- Do you agree to something and then feel trapped because there is no one else to do them?
- Do you quickly and regularly set aside your true feelings and needs in order to be accommodating to others?
- Do you feel guilty when your decisions don’t please others?
- Do you lie about what you want to do or if you’re busy when someone calls and wants something?
- Are you afraid to set limits?
- Do you change your decision if someone judges you?
- Does your habit of people pleasing give you some control or influence in a situation.
To find out whether you are really a people pleaser, answer the following questions in your writing journal. If you haven’t started a writing journal yet, please take steps to buy yourself a journal and start this process of self-exploration. You will learn so much about yourself in the process.
- Instead of saying yes and complaining privately, can you just say no, not this time?
- Can you remind yourself that you have needs too and respect them?
- If you feel guilty because someone is sad about your decision, can you tell yourself “It’s okay for him/her to be angry or sad?”
- If someone is angry about a thoughtful, careful decision that you made, can you stand up to the critic and don’t change your mind?
- Can you be honest with others about your feelings?
Irene S. Roth
Freelance Writer, Author, and Editor